Bonjour dames & welcome to Maman & Fille Week 8 ~
allez vous faire foutre l’auto-destruction
Or ‘Screw you Self Destruction’!!
So this week with less then a month until we go it is timely to talk about that sneaky little bastard called Self Sabotage…
For some of us (for a lot of us), it seems to be a natural thing that when we are right on the brink of some sort of success, we start to indulge in some sort of silly behavior that ensures we will take longer to reach our desired goal – or not reach it at all.
We may use avoidance, substance abuse, over indulgence or a host of other methods, so you have to ask:
What the hell is this all about? Why would we do such a silly thing?
Well this sort of behavior will manifest in each of us in many different ways and for many different reasons but one thing I can tell you is that we all indulge (most times unknowingly) in this behavior due to negative beliefs that have come from childhood, negative life experiences, or negative relationships.
Self sabotage has been a crutch for me for many years and one that I did not know I was indulging in until about 12 months ago when during a workshop, I was asked why I had been procrastinating on several major projects that would almost certainly ensure success for me & my business.
The conversation went something like this:
“So why haven’t you released that project you’ve been working on?’
“I don’t know, maybe I don’t want to be successful”
“Why wouldn’t you want success?”
“Well if I’m successful everyone will be looking at me”
“And what is wrong with that?”
“What if they don’t like what I have to say or think I’m full of shit?”
“And what if they do?”
“Well then they might not like me”
It turns out I had an intense fear of people not liking me or not liking what I was offering and that would mean rejection. I hate rejection and I don’t like not being liked!
But what about all the people who do like what I have to say and who will undoubtedly benefit from what I can teach them??
I worked hard to get over this negative belief and guess what? I have now put out that program I was procrastinating on and have made many big changes to my business since. I am no longer fearful of putting myself out there and as a result I am helping lot’s of women who love what I have to say.
I have also become much more aware of others I need to work on and awareness is key to avoiding sabotage, it’s something you cannot afford to be complacent about. Just last week I caught myself wanting to constantly indulge in naughty food just as we start the 1 month countdown to our French Adventure. I had mentioned to Maman that I was keen to drop a few more kilo’s to be able to take some gorgeous clothes on our trip that are just a little too tight, so naturally I wanted to suddenly eat everything in sight!
The first step to getting over this is realizing what is going on, this is where your awareness comes in. Becoming aware of your behavior allows you to stop it in it’s tracks!
The second thing is to question why you are indulging in the sabotage. Why do I feel I don’t deserve to look & feel amazing for my trip? Self worth is usually always connected to sabotage. This is also something I have been and am continuing to work on daily because I know I am totally worth feeling amazing all the time!
Once you have worked out why you are indulging in the sabotage (what is your subconscious telling you you don’t deserve) it will be time to work through those negative beliefs and change them into positive ones. This will require you to look deep within yourself and tools such as meditating, reflection and writing, forgiveness exercises or a coach will help you.
After many years of self sabotage it will take some time to work through my ‘stuff’ but I am more then prepared and willing for this work. I have already come such a long way and the rewards have been great so I would encourage you not to be afraid, of course it can be confronting and at times you will feel a little uncomfortable – but it is worth it.
Till next week belle dames,
Bella & Chris xox